When Pinching Pennies Isn't Enough

Today I realized that I have not posted since February of last year: twenty whole months!! What could have kept me from you so long, dear readers? The short answer is that I got pregnant shortly after my last post. The morning sickness was intense. We sold our house and moved. Then we moved again. Then I got really sick. Then I gave birth. And since then, I have been adjusting to mothering three children and getting my strength back. I am looking forward to being able to post here again.

As the budget keeper and tracker of the house hold, over the years I have spent countless hours sweating over the simple excel spreadsheets that organize our incomings and outgoings. It's quite foolish, but I think I secretly believe that if I just organize it better or look at it the right way, the budget will magically iron smooth and there'll be all this extra money that I never saw before.

It's called DENIAL. My eyes were telling me something I was unwilling to see: there really wasn't enough money for us to live on, no matter how lean I cut the groceries. Unwilling to trust my own judgement, I showed our  finances to four seperate people in various money related jobs - bank managers, financial planners, etc. They all said the same thing: pinching pennies wasn't enough. We needed either to earn more income or move.

We wrestled with earning options, none of which were practically feasible, while struggling to keep out of debt.

And then, as we started looking at the work/school/pre-school schedule last year, we realized we were going to need a second car. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. We were stretched so thin that there was no more give.

So we put our house on the market.

It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be. When it sold, I was just so relieved to have a chance to make a fresh (smart) start. And we did - in a modest, simple but well built home within walking distance of work and school. For the first year or two, there won't be that much of a difference in our finances - but after that we are going to see major payoffs.

I often have posted about ways to save a quarter here, two dollars there - but sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture. Step back and really assess without fear. Will saving $75 bucks a month make a difference - or do you need to trim hundreds from the budget? Because skimping on cleaning supplies and cuts of meat only goes so far. We knew deep down for a long time what we needed to do, but we were afraid. Afraid of all the hard work, uncertainty and letting go. But now that it's done - I am so grateful. It was a wise decision. I don't feel trapped in a corner anymore. And I no longer get upset tummy when I pull up the budget spreadsheets.

So often, we sort of... let our lives happen to us. We end up in a relationship... So we find a home. Then we need a bigger car so we go and trade in. Pants are on sale, so even though they don't really fit, we buy them. Financially, this passive way of living is a recipe for long term disaster. I know, because its how I often do things. Choosing to sell our first home was one of the first big life choices I made using something other than emotion (it's called my brain. Who knew?)

"If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail." - Benjamin Franklin

If pinching pennies isn't enough, maybe you need bigger change (haha - pun).

Sock Agony Shpinkter Tightening

Today I went to Walmart to purchase both of my children socks. We are usually given everything we need second hand or as gifts - but I realized last week that my daughter only had about three or four pairs of socks that fit and my son a single mint green pair that were getting small.
Luckily, in the mail yesterday I received a belated birth gift of $20, so I knew exactly what to do with it. Socks. Thank you, O sender of cash. You can buy most anything second hand, but socks are a hard sell because they have no sizes written on them.
To Walmart we went, where I surprised myself by spending a half hour agonizing over which 'value pack' would fit longest-not wear through-be fashionable-and not cost the world. It was only later, as I drove home, that I started contemplating just how much I dislike being in the kind of financial place where the purchase of socks can make me sweat - can I get an AMEN?

So as you purchase your school supplies and lunch supplies and back to school clothes and start lessons and sports and activities and clubs, all under the looming expenses of a nearing Christmas, know that you are not alone. I bet if there was a study about such things, findings would indicate straight across the board that everyone's shpinkter is about 4mm tighter this time of year.

Working Girl

Yesterday and today I am filling in at my husbands work as a laborer. It's nice to be able to help him out and work with him, and it's even nicer to get a bit of extra money. He says I am a hard worker, and I have to say that's a little badge I will wear with pride. AND we got to take our coffee break together so we went on a coffee date. Oh, so nice.
So these two days have consisted of getting up, and tearing around the house getting all sorts of things done before 8am. Including dinner.
Can I just remind you how frugal and amazing it is to use your slowcooker? I mean DINNER FOR TONIGHT IS DONE! DONE!
And so cheap. So much cheaper than being exhausted at the end of the day, picking up our daughter from the sitters and then making a bad decision last minute to hit Wendy's because we are so hungry we simply cannot wait to go home and cook before we can eat.
Well, I am off to work.
Bye.

Inspiration: Sharing

Yesterday morning, with hot coffee and muffins (naturally decaffeinated green tea for me), I had the opportunity to sit down with a girl from my church and teach her a bit about budgeting and frugality. It was so great to be able to share some of the lessons I have learned with someone who wanted to make a positive change. It also helped me see how far I have personally come - sometimes I feel like because our budget is so tight, I am not doing a good job. But I am.
It was inspiring and created fresh desire in me for being frugal.
If your feeling a bit stagnant in your frugality quest, I highly recommend helping out a friend with theirs!

The Spot

In our quest for frugality, we have recently discovered a 'spot'. It's been there all along, but it was hard to see at first.

It is the point where our priorities, our self control and our budget meet.

We could, potentially live on less than that, but it would mean compromising on our priorities and a level of self control I don't personally possess (ie - eating a lot of potatoes and white rice and staying home all of the time = an unhealthy lifestyle). So we are faced with an mildly foreseen truth.

The spot rests in a slightly higher pay bracket.

We have stretched our bucks as far as we can (with the occasional relapse into spend mode that we are still trying to pay off), and now the time has come for change. I think it's important to take stock and realize when a change needs to be made. Every one can benefit from that.

So we are looking at income options for both of us that fall within these guidelines:

1) I am a stay at home mom. We desire to raise our own children, so it's ideal that if I work, it is from home.

2) Even though money is important, our marriage is MORE important, so we won't allow a situation where we don't see each other for whole days.

And after that - it's all idealism, really.

Staying Home

Today I saved money by loving my home life.
Lately I have been avoiding my house. As a stay at home mom, thats a bit of a problem.
But this morning, I dove into domesticity with nary a second thought.
I made laundry soap and scrubbing powder.
I made the best ever Oatmeal Raisin Cookies.
I cleaned, did laundry and organised.
I played good music and put Cranberry Clementine in my diffuser (oh, heavenly).
I gathered props for the skit on Friday night.
I drank coffee from my favorite mug, and read "The Message" to my daughter.

Finding contentment in the Everyday is a very sure way to save money, but a bit tricky to do.
I find that if I put on music that encourages me, light a candle (or a diffuser) and have a few minutes of quiet time to order my inner world, everything lines up and my day falls into place.
What works for you?

Setbacks

Okay, so there are many reasons I have been such an infrequent blogger this month - but the most important one is... (sigh) our tax return.
I think it's important to share defeat as well as victory with you, my friends.
I have been counting on throwing a couple of extra payments on our mortgage this year (as is a responsible and LOVELY thing to do) with that tax return. For months I have been dreaming about watching that enormous number shrink a little bit extra this April. But as enormous as our tax return is this year, I don't think that we are going to do it.
Why?
Car repair $350
New tires ? (I was told $600)
Get Will & Power of Attorney $400
...
and the list goes on.
So I have been dreading posting, not because I feel like a failure, but because somedays this money thing seems impossible to get ahead in and posting about saving $5 on toddler shoes or cheap beef just seems a bit trite.
It seems silly to be so disappointed about not being able to make extra mortgage payments, but you know how you get your heart set on something?
And (oh, the horror of typing this out), yesterday our groceries cost me $200. It was like watching a car accident. We were just out of so much stuff...
So I post, dear friends, so that when you have a month of enormous unexpected bills and expenses, you will know you are in good company (with me).

Spending Vs. Earning

If ever I was in doubt about my destiny as a stay at home mom (S.A.H.M.), this past week is proof positive that I am meant to either a) Stay home with my kids, b) Have no children and work; but definitely not c) Have kids and work.
In the span of two weeks I will have worked about 38 hours in addition to my regular SAHM duties, and (it being day 10 of my 14 day stretch) I am starting to feel... excessively respectful for the women who have to do this full time. Yes, I think that is exactly what I am feeling.
In addition to life's regular ups and downs, I am working almost 20 hours a week, packing lunches, doing laundry, cleaning house, making meals, listening to exuberant 20-somethings plan out their futures, run errands for other people, spend quality time with my distraught and disrupted one year old and on top of all of this, having to wear pantyhose and a full face of make up to be ignored and abused by women long old enough to know better.
And all I can say is that I hate the stress, and that the women out there who do this are crazy, amazing, tough and deserving of every praise. Stop and think for a moment. Some women work FULL TIME with children.
{Moment of respectful silence}

I am so grateful that I don't have to do this. That this week is simply an opportunity to help my old boss, replace what I spent last week, top up the grocery fund and buy a few much needed items.

But in order to not have to do this every week, I am willing to live with less.
I mean I would rather live without new clothes and nice cosmetics than be crazy stressed and neglect my family to have more money to buy more stuff. And I feel so blessed to be able to make that choice.

You can have money, or time; but no matter which way you choose to live, you will never get today back.

Cheap vs. Cheap

My daughter has these awesome plastic velcro bibs that you can just wipe clean. Well, I should say she had these awesome bibs until the dye started rubbing off of them and onto her face. Yes. And they lasted about 13 more seconds in the kitchen until my husband saw the 'MADE IN CHINA' tag on them. Which is not to say I am for or against China, but anyone would have to admit China doesn't have a great track record with safe products for children. So into the garbage they went, but we still needed bibs.
I thought to myself, "Don't I have some vinyl in the basement?" and the answer was a resounding yes! I traced the old bibs, cut the vinyl and stuck velcro on. It took me about 2 minutes, the cost was pennies and my problem was S-O-L-V-E-D. Now, I am not saying they are beautiful enough to give as a gift or sell, but they are a definite success!

Today there was a $7 bag sale at our local BFM, and I went in search of craft supplies. If you aren't familiar with a bag sale, basically you get to cram a bag (and not just a little grocery bag) with as much as you can fit into it for only $7. I looked around for about an hour, and I found a few items - but not enough to fill a bag, and I didn't want to just buy things for the sake of a sale. So guess what? I walked away.

Sometimes you get so excited about saving money on a good deal that you forget that no matter how cheap something is, if you don't need it or if it's not good quality, it's just junk. And today, when I was finding stuff cheaper than I will find it again for some time, I still kept my head. This is an unparalleled success for me, and I just wanted to share it.

The Shocking Truth

Confession: I am so curious about other people's budgets. If I could have a psychic gift of knowing peoples budgets, I would plant myself in the middle of an airport or mall and end up starving to death in rapture. It's not idle curiosity about who makes what - what interests me is how it all gets broken down and spent (or saved). I think it would be SO interesting. Because I don't think that it would necessarily show on the outside. I think we would be surprised how much so'n'so gives away, and which people are savers and which ones are total crap at money.
Money is so much a part of who we are - it's like a subconscious voice that helps us (or hinders) making important decisions and off the cuff judgement calls. It follows us everywhere. And I bet if some of us sat down and laid it out on an enormous table, we'd even surprise ourselves, in both good ways and bad.

For us, because we were able to buy this lovely home, our budget has become a tightly run ship. We are richer than ever before, but poorer, too. Even though I miss shopping and lattes, I am so grateful for this opportunity to learn to be deliberate with our money. I think it is a quality that too many people learn too late and in North America it's becoming less and less common.
Having less to spend has made us more thoughtful about spending. Even on decisions about cleaning products (as you've read), cosmetics and car maintenance. Things most of us would consider necessities and tack on to the monthly budget. Things most of us would even go in debt for (Visa, baby). But when your resources are limited, your choices weigh more (if you have any sense in your head whatsoever - which I didn't up until about 6 months ago).

But instead of feeling hemmed in, I feel liberated.

I know my thoughts are a bit disjointed tonight, but I think what I am trying to say is this.

We are trained almost from infancy to spend money. Advertisements and entertainments are everywhere, in everything. All of them teaching us that spending money is fun and makes you feel good. But I am totally rocked by this truth: YOU DONT HAVE TO SPEND.
I can live without a composting bin, or new windows, or the latest style in shoes. I can live without specialty coffee, rented movies and dinners at restaurants. I can even do without certain groceries. And I am still happy. I still have things to do, places to go and people to see. My husband still loves me in the clothes I've had since he married me. My friends will still visit with me if its not at Starbucks. Supper still tastes good without Gouda or Havarti. And it definitely isn't a bad thing for my bottom if I walk instead of drive once in a while.

So, go on, I dare you: give yourself permission not to spend.

Thrifty Christmas

I am pretty sure that everyone out there is thinking about cutting back this year for Christmas - I know I am. Aside from the complete absence of extra money to throw around, there's something so alluring about returning to the earthy, homey goodness of what Christmas is supposed to be. Here's what I've done so far:

We are just starting out as a family, so I didn't actually have any decorations. This may horrify you, but I hit my local Bibles For Missions and got a box full of garlands, wreaths, stockings and baubles for $10 or $15 bucks.

Also... (deep breath)... I bought second hand gifts for my daughter. A wooden rocking horse for $10 and a big bag of duplo for $3.

I am planning ahead too, so most of my gifts are going to be homemade, and our activities will be social as opposed to costly. I am even shopping a bit now for the food stuffs to get in on early sales.

One of my best finds was a big box of vintage christmas cards for $1, so I won't have to buy the cookie cutter ones from wal-mart.

What I am really trying to say is that I think one of the best ways you can save money this Christmas is by living deliberately - not by obligation. Slow down. Choose. Don't get caught up in our strive yourself to death culture. Take time this week (while you've still got time to plan) and think about what really matters to you, what your priorities are. Dream about what you want from this season, while you celebrate the great gift that God gave us. After that, it's easy to allocate money and time where it needs to go.

This year, my dream is that we will have a childhood Christmas - a crazy, eclectic tree, gifts from the heart, snow, hot chocolate, friends and stockings hung from the fire place. I want no part of the frenzied consumer death march that most people engage in. I want quiet evenings laying on the couch by the fire reading, playing & talking. I want love. Peace. Warmth.

Mmmmm....

Roughing It - SPA 2.0

(continued)

Now on to a very touchy subject for thousands of women out there who spend between $100 and $300 every 6-8 weeks.

As I mentioned before, I colored my hair last wednesday night. As in: I colored MY OWN hair by MYSELF. I understand if you are shuddering in horror. I truly get why it strikes terror into many of your hearts. Everyone knows the dangers of dying your own hair. Irregular results. Splotchy forehead. Early morning trips to the salon wearing sunglasses and a head scarf. I myself have accidentally dyed my hair black. Twice. So, it is not the naive preaching to the innocent. No. This post is a woman-to-woman, nitty-gritty, in-the-trenches of beautification type communication.

So, with that rather self important build up, what I have to say is this: If you have that much money to spend on your hair, DO IT. I envy your hair every Sunday when I ought to be setting my thoughts on God and all things Holy. Truly, your streaks are glorious and your trendy new 'do' inspires me. You are probably the woman with acrylic nails and saucy new shoes. The one who, in my heart, I secretly hope lets herself go and stops making the rest of us look so bad. But I digress.

However, for the rest of us, who really shouldn't be spending that much on the dead thing growing out of our heads, you will perhaps feel sympathetic when I tell you that I have had my hair cut twice in the 21 months. Yes. That is, to the best of my memory, one hundred percent truth. I have also colored it (at home, with a $8.49 box color) twice in that time. And that is the extent of my hair budget. So about $100 in nearly two years.

I think you will agree with me (especially if you have seen my hair at all in that time) that perhaps I have taken the money saving to an extreme and that a middle road must be found. And we both know (if you have been at ALL paying attention for the last 67 seconds) that I am definitely not the one to be trusted with finding that middle ground for me, you or anyone else. I simply want to introduce the plausibility of spending less on your perfectly dyed-streaked-trimmed-trussed-and-tousled coif.

The Rule

I grew up pretty poor, for the most part. Often, when you hear the word "Poor" you assume that means that someone can turn 30 bucks into a months worth of groceries and other such magic tricks; that is not the kind of poor I mean. We were the kind of poor that meant when you get money, spend it quick, because it's going to be gone soon anyways. The kind of poverty that becomes a catch 22. I don't have money to spend because I spend all the money I have. I spend all the money I have because I don't have money to spend.

When I got my first job (and the many jobs I had afterwards), I blew everything I had within a week on slurpees and eating out, and clothing and shoes. I literally spent a decade worth of paychecks and have nothing to show for it (except perhaps my love handles).

The change that lead to THE RULE (ohohohhhhhh!) was getting married. Suddenly there was someone there who knew how naughty I was. Someone who would have to eat canned beans because I was wearing GAP jeans. And suddenly, new clothes were less important. Suddenly shopping wasn't as fun. Suddenly, someone would suffer from my irresponsibility. And not so suddenly, I changed.

I created a rule. This rule was a line drawn before every purchase. A question to be savored before every latte. A decision to live by.

The rule is simply this: WAIT.

The questions is 'can I live without it?'

The decision is: I will put others before myself.

So when I think we need a new duvet cover, I put it on the back burner of my mental list. I price compare at my local stores. I check (oh, yes. Hot water and bleach) the second hand stores. I inspect the duvet cover I already own. And after a bare minimum of 3 days (but it can take months), I decide and then act.

What I do not do is go out and buy the first one I see at Sears.

I do not steal money from the grocery budget.

I don't mope about not being able to afford the one online.

This may not be rocket science to you, but it was for me. And it has made me so much more responsible with my money.

PS - I made black bean soup today. I think my life has changed forever.

Humility

So last night while my husband was at work late, preparing for a massive annual conference, I stayed up late watching (crying at) you tube videos of impoverished children in 3rd world countries. And I have an addendum (is that the right word?) for this blog - we are not poor. We just need to learn to manage what we do have better. Learn what's really necessary and what's just habit (because my mom always bought this brand).

I think, that if you are on this journey with me, you need to start with the right mindset - that you are wealthy beyond most peoples imaginations, and you are robbing yourself blind, month after month.

There is this one particularly disturbing image of a young kid with it's face at a cows bottom, drinking its urine or something. Because they have no water that's safe to drink. I think that image will stay with me for the rest of my life as iconic of true poverty.

So, my wealthy friends, today when you open the fridge, start the car, or crawl into that big comfy bed of yours, remember that even though you can't buy everything you want (like those saucy shoes at aldo) you have everything you need. And I don't mean that as some kind of don't-waste-your-food guilt trip, I mean it as a perspective adjustment to help us find contentment. We really are rich! And starting with that attitude is going to change your world!